Run with God

The Owner of My Failures

Almost a year ago I said I was going to start blogging through Romans 12. Eleven months and hundreds of posts later, here is the second post...

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. (Romans 12:3)

God is continually breaking me of this. Unfortunately it took a crashing economy to get me there...

Running my own businesses has been one of the greatest lessons of my life, but I also think it was/is a source of pride for me. The Living Word saw immense growth over the first couple years. We were the fastest growing bookstore in the state (2005); while Christian Retailing Stores were tanking all over the state, we were growing at an incredible pace. I can remember talking on the phone with a bookstore owner in Georgia who literally broke down in tears asking me how I was growing while his store was filing for bankruptcy. 24 months later, the economy has tanked in South Florida, and we too are grappling with the question of why. My happiness was built into my success... and when the success went away, so did the happiness.

It's been hard. I won't lie. "God, why did you bring me to this point just to take it away." Other problems arose. Other insecurities dug in. And instead of focusing on the greatness of God I focused solely on my despair. That's the thing about pride. The more you have, the harder the downtimes become.

I don't want to make myself out to have all the answers. I get emails from readers all over the country asking my advice on business, media, church, etc.

* I'm not a businessman (I failed my only biz class - microeconomics - in college).
* I'm not a church media genius (I can give you names of 100 people better qualified than me, check my blogroll for starters...)
* I'm not a pastor. I'm not the expert on God. If you're looking for a model of Christianity, please don't look here. If you want to see someone struggling to understand what God is, have lunch with me sometime.

I started to look at myself through the lens of these imperfections, I discovered who I really was. The successes that I had been given were not by my hand, but were given by God. I am a tool, offering my life for Him to control. God, thank you for the blessings you've given...

"Sober judgment" allowed me to see things clearly. So if He was faithful to this end, then why wouldn't He be faithful to get me through these down times... Looking at myself, I see that through the faults then God was in control, and through the faults now God is still in control. And if I live my life in faith that He will control, He will control...

If my successes are mine, then my failures are mine as well.
If my successes are of God, then my failures are His as well, and I can sleep a lot better at night knowing that my God is dealing with the situation at hand.

God, help my faith to see You not only in the successes, but also in my failures. Thank You for using me to the betterment of your kingdom.

Side note: after reading this, you may get the impression the Bookstore or C28 Florida is doing horribly. We are down for the year (as is everyone else in the state, except for oil companies) but God is blessing us with slight growth, and we are prayerful that a steady summer will lead to a strong Fall. Pray for my bizes, that God would use these resources to become a foothold in the cities of South Florida.

In View of God's Mercy

I recently became convicted about the amount of stuff I'm reading and the fact that I haven't been diving into scripture as much. What I'd like to do is take you through one of my favorite scriptures, Romans 12 (R12). The scripture is referenced in the bi-line "Random musings from a Christian Workoholic driven to fulfill Romans 12". R12 plays a big part of who I am. Allow me to elaborate. I'll pick out key verses along the way. Today, I'd just like to look at R12:1

R12:1- Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship.

I've known this scripture for years. I've lived it. As someone who is called into serve God with his vocation, I could have recited it to you over and over again, without missing a beat.

But I read this about a year ago, and it hit me. In view of God's mercy. I really do think someone wrote that in my Bible. I've never seen it before. And it's so minor. Five words. Yet, to me, it made a huge difference.

I've got the "offer your bodies part". I understand that as a living sacrifice I'm giving all to Him, allowing Him to take control of my life. While that is a difficult concept for some to grasp, I've found in my life it's easier to let Him deal with the high-pressure situations, and I can relax knowing I've got the Creator of the Universe in my corner. While I am not wholly holy, I know that I am constantly striving to live a life of holiness, so that the output of my life on this earth can be handed to my Father where I will be able to hear Him say "Well done thou good and faithful servant".

For a good part of my life, I had the "what" part down. It was the "why" I had forgotten. Why am I going through all of this? Why am I offering my life as a sacrifice? Why does God deserve my spiritual act of worship?

Mercy. When in view, it's a beautiful thing.

As great as I think I am. As holy as I portrayed myself to be. As proud I was that my "living sacrifice" was better than others, I needed a reminder that the reason that God desired this of me was because I am not capable of living my life w/o His Mercy. I owe Him.

In the time since then, I'd be lying to you if I told you things were always easy.
That I always felt that my sacrifice was being used by God.
That my worship to God was suspiciously looking like my worship of me.
That no frustration or temptation ever came my way.

But those moments were different than before. Rather than doing God's work blindly, I had five words that gave my life purpose, meaning.

Why am I doing this? Why would I give God complete control? Why do I strive to please Him? To present myself wholly holy before Him.

Five of the most beautiful words I've ever heard.
In View of God's Mercy