Run with God

C28: A Good Day

I mixed up my schedule this week, and went up to C28 on Monday (instead of my usual Thursday). The reason behind it was my manager Ryan had a meeting scheduled with a local Christian School, Summit Christian in West Palm Beach, and since I love "talking" Ryan wanted to know if I wanted to tag along.

Sure.

On the way up to WPB I called Ryan:

me: hey, don't let me forget to talk to you about [something] when I get up there..
ryan: okay, hey by the way, somebondy accepted Christ in our store this morning.
me: okay, I gotta go. Talk to you lat.... what!?! what did you say?
...

I shared my enthusiasm, but wanted to talk face to face to get more info. While still driving up to WPB, my iPhone gets an e-mail (from Ryan) where he let some of the corporate guys know what happened (and cc:ed me on the e-mail). So, I'm flying up the turnpike swerving through traffic reading an e-mail about a life changed through the unconventional ministry of C28. And of course I start getting emotional, in my truck, trying to read an e-mail while flying up the Florida Turnpike to go to go to a meeting.

That is what I call a Good Day @ C28. Lord willing, many more to come.

God, help us to put our faith in You. Help us to let go of our expectations... our goals, instead focusing on Your desires... Your will. Guide us to places where only You can take us. Thank you for what you've brought us from, and we look forward to what you have for us very soon.

Change

Believe it or not, I don't lie in bed at night trying to figure out how I can turn my world upside down. In my mind, I like to think I'm the type of guy that doesn't like to rock the boat. KISS: Keep It Simple, Stupid. That's me, right?

Occasionally, though, I get a peak of something cool.
A thought.
A dream.
A shared vision.

When I see some incredible potential, I get excited. Kingdom Impact does that to me. Dollars and Cents on a P&L statements really mean nothing. I mean, I'm a biz guy. But I don't live my life by counting pennies.

Can I be missional?
Can I pay my bills?
Can I change the world?

Someone once told me I could. Silly me, I was foolish enough to listen. Sorry world, there's no stopping now.

God, thank you for using me. And thank you for making it fun, too. As always, thank you for where you've brought me from, and I look forward to what you have in store soon.

Healing

I had lunch this week with a former youth minister. Where he served is irrelevant (he's not from CF). However, he was burned by ministry. There was a changing of the guard. He had new bosses with new ideas. Those new ideas didn't sit well with many of the members. Words were said. People left. Funny thing is, as I describe this one situation, I can think of many churches that have gone through the same thing. He was locked into what he thought ministry was supposed to be and couldn't change. Thankfully, instead of burning bridges he left quietly. Prayerfully the ministry will grow in his absence.

I hate to see that. I've been frustrated by ministry. I've been burned. Sadly, more than once. There have been times where I'd rather flip burgers at McDs than serve on a church staff. I think what happens is that people spend more time focusing on their vision for what God would have for the church instead of what God has in place for the church. Pride is at the core of many of these issues... at least it was in mine.

Healing is difficult. You go through so many emotions.
Why is God doing this to me?
Am I being punished?
There's no way this will work!
I know I'm following God's Will. I don't know what they're doing...

An incredible thing happens when you let go. You get to see God in the chaos. What seemed to be an abomination turns out to be God moving. I realized that if I spent as much time seeking God as I did being bitter, I could have accomplished so much more for the Kingdom. More than that, my anger towards the situation was preventing me from finding God, and the situation was literally preventing me from having a viable relationship with God.

When it really sank in for me was when I read George Barna's Revolution. It is quite the controversial book dealing with finding God outside of the church (not exactly something the current church wants to think about) but it remindind me of a simple fact.

When I die, God is not going to hold "the church" accountable for my life. God will be holding me accountable. Therefore I have no excuses.... Not exactly earth-shattering news, but definitely something I needed to hear again.

If you've been burned in the past, ask God to heal you, to break you of your pride, and stay focused on hearing God, not on the frustrations of ministry. I think you'll find that when you stay focused on Him, the problems of the world become fewer and far less significant. The incredible thing about God breaking you is that then He gets to go Humpty Dumpty on you and put you back together again!

God, thank you for the opportunities you've given. Thank you for the successes and the times you've let me fall flat on my face. Thank you for picking up the pieces and reassembling me into the person you would have me to be.

Christian Bookstore Bombed in Gaza Strip

It's ironic how God can give you a taste of humility every once in a while. I've been known to gripe about Cost of Goods Sold, Freight Charges, Bad Economy, Criminal Masterminds, and weak frontlists... but I don't have to deal with this...

Taken from the Associated Press

GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip (AP) - Three explosions hit Gaza City early Sunday, damaging two Internet cafes and a Christian bookstore.

No one was hurt and no group claimed responsibility for the blasts, which took place around 3 a.m. local time, Palestinian security officials said. Several similar attacks on Internet cafes and music stores in recent months have been claimed by a little-known extremist Islamic organization calling itself the "Swords of Truth."

The officials would not speculate on the identity of those behind the Sunday attacks, saying only that the incidents were under investigation. The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak to the press.

Heavy external damage was visible at the three stores. At the bookstore, which is funded by American Protestants and known as the Bible Society, a number of books were also burned in the explosion.

In recent months, about three dozen Internet cafes and shops selling pop music have been attacked in the Gaza Strip, with assailants detonating small bombs outside businesses at night, causing damage but no injuries. Palestinian security officials have said they suspect a secret "vice squad" of Muslim militants.

God, protect our brothers overseas as they share Your message. Give them the strength to rebuild, the patience to see Your path, and the faith to know that You are still in control.

Thanks to Joel Rosenberg for the heads up.

Missional Cell Phone Calls

If nothing else, I'm upset I didn't think of it first. However, it's amazing that it worked in today's culture. What am I talking about?

Okay, meet Ryan Fitzgerald. Ryan's 20 years old, lives at home with dad, recently lost his part-time job and has some spare time on his hands. What makes Ryan more hero than loser? Ryan posted a YouTube video on Friday where he gave out his cell phone number and told whoever watched the video if they wanted to talk to call.

5,000 calls later, Ryan's in the news.

Ryan is looking at a $20,000 cell phone bill. His "free nights and weekends" service through T-Mobile? Evidently there is a limit after all. Ryan is out of minutes. And it's just one weekend.

What is Ryan's thoughts on this? What's he going to do with his bill? How does this stop?

Come Monday, no way I’m going to just hang up on people and say, ‘I don’t have the minutes'," he said. "Some people’s own mothers won’t take the time to sit down and talk with them and have a conversation, but some stranger on YouTube will ... After six seconds, you’re not a stranger anymore, you’re a new kid I just met."

To watch his original video, see below:

To watch his update, 48 hours after he started, see below:

What's Jeff's Take here? Some complete stranger in Massachusettes is telling the world that he cares for you. Is this not the heartbeat of the Missional Church? Hear me, I don't know the heart of Ryan, but I love the fact that he makes himself available to people. I think we could learn alot from this 20 year old loser caring individual.

For more information, check out the article from Associated Press.

God, may we have the same passion for the lost as Ryan does. May we care for people, listen to their hearts, their needs.

Legion, meet Decapolis

I was having a conversation with several friends (Corey and Carrie) after small group this evening. I got to share one of my favorite scriptures with them...and since it's fresh on my mind, I'm going to re-share it with you.

This is from my Mark QT Notes:

([Mark] 5:1-20) || The "Legion" demon-posession story always fascinates me. What jumped out to me this time was 2 things: 1) v15-17... when the townspeople saw the demon-posessed person healed and dressed neatly, they FREAKED OUT and kicked Jesus out of town. 2) v18-19... man formerly known as "Legion" wants to travel with Jesus, who told him no. Instead, the man ends up sharing his story with 10 cities worth of people. Another great example of God telling you "no", or waiting for God's timing.

It really is ironic when you consider how what the man wanted to/felt led to do wasn't what Jesus wanted him to do. Even though that would have been a great one/two punch, for some reason Jesus knew the man formerly known as Legion's ministry would have been more effective if he would go separately to Decapolis (10 cities).

Sometimes where God wants you to go isn't where you want to go. Sometimes it's better. Sometimes it's worse (see Jonah). It's important to remember, though, that with this comes faith in God that regardless of the where, He is there to provide the how...

God I don't understand all things. Nor do I want to. Help me to have faith in Your plans and to follow Your will when it conflicts mine. Allow me to see things in Your time and thank you for Your provisions. Help me to remember that Your ways are better than mine.

Where do you want me to go?

I'm going to be honest with you, I track your movements. Not in the stalker way, but in the cyber-stalker way. RUNwithGOD.com has really been growing as of late, and I just love seeing how people are finding me, and what they're reading when they are on the site. Does that make me creepy?

You'd be shocked how people are finding me. I'm building a decent amount of link-love among friends and associates, but more than that Google loves me. :)

Obviously, Andrew Allard and his story has brought in a lot of traffic. So has people wanting more information on Christ Fellowship Homestead.

However, I got a search the other day that made weep. Somebody searched on Yahoo.com:

"God i wish i could type to you on the internet and you could respond to where you want me to go"

And somehow, they ended up on my site. I'm actually the #1 listed site (or I was as of the posting of this blog). First off, it's crazy to think how that search gets to my site. However, what I'd rather focus on is the mindset of the person that does that search.

I've already said that I love observing people, but this one really hit home. Why? Because this person I've never met could very well have been me 5 years ago. Back then I was floundering. I was seeking purpose, felt a calling of God but really had no direction. I used to pray "God, just tell me what you want me to do. Give me a sign so I can go there, get there, and do mighty things in your name." It would always anger me that despite my passion to see God glorified, I just never seemed to be on the same page as God. I was the guy typing in a search engine "God i wish i could type to you on the internet and you could respond to where you want me to go."

Wouldn't it be great if communication with God was that easy? Drop him an e-mail! The Creator of the known Universe certainly doesn't have time to talk with a peon like you. However, as a Christian I believe it is that easy. I believe in the power of prayer, and talking to God as a Christian is really not that difficult. However, getting God to "respond", at least in terms you want to hear, is a lot more difficult. Sometimes prayers sound like empty echoes bouncing off a wall. Othertimes, you can feel an answer, but it's not something you want to hear. I can't tell you how many times I had a passion for something, only to hear "wait". Doors would open only to see them close quickly and mysteriously. In my heart of hearts, what should have been "Yes" moments were "Not Yet". Frustration builds... God, let me do this. Better yet, let me do something! I don't want to flounder here anymore. Let me loose for your kingdom!

I used to tell people "I just wish God would show me where He wants me in 10 years so I know what direction to go." The funny thing is, if God showed me then where I am now, I would have laughed in His face. Two businesses? Five years ago I don't think I could have spelled the word business. Missional? What does that mean? Multi-Site Church? Like a franchise? Why would a church want to do that?

As a young, driven, impetuous, workoholic for God, I wanted to attack the world for the Kingdom. It never occured to me that I wasn't equipped for the impact God wanted from me. How was I to know that God would have me in the business world, that I would be doing unconventional ministry... that was never in MY PLANS!

And therein lies the problem.  It's not in communicating with God. It's not in Him communicating with us. It's in the "I wish". My will got in the way. God, why can't you see things my way. God, I'm tired of waiting. God I really want to be over here doing this. God, this is a great opportunity for me here. Put me in coach, I'm ready to play! Funny, I can't think of anyone in the Bible that God changed His mind for. Why should He do it for me?

So to you, person searching "God i wish i could type to you on the internet and you could respond to where you want me to go" hang in there. Know that it's not an easy road. But it's one worth taking. God's not done equipping you, but when it's time to run, be ready to RUN! You'll know when it's time. You'll see God right beside you. Kill your will, your desires. Take your world apart, allow God to break and remold you. And in God's time, you'll begin to see.

God, thank you for not listening to me years ago. Thank you for the road you've brought me on. Thank you for using me here and now, and help me to continue on this path staying strong. I only hope I'm worthy of the cost You paid for me.

From Amy: "God's Grace is Sufficient"

The following was written by Amy. For both of us, it's easier to write than to talk. She wanted to express some of her thoughts too. Thank you, once again, for allowing us to use you as a sounding board.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Our Baby
“God’s Grace is Sufficient”

The beginning of this year came with some wonderful events. First, Jeff and I had the opportunity to go on mission together to Ukraine. This country has been a big part of my heart for many years now. It was very special for me to experience the dedication of the church building with my Christian family in Ukraine. Then, about a week and a half after returning from Ukraine, we found out that we were going to be parents! I was pregnant. This was incredible news. We have tried to work through international adoption for the last year and a half but kept running into walls, and I had recently been told by my gynecologist that it was likely that I would never get pregnant. Yet, here we were going to finally be parents. We were ecstatic! Everything seemed perfect. God’s timing was ideal. I am currently on personal leave from teaching, so I could focus on having a healthy pregnancy (get plenty of rest, etc). Then the baby was due on October 6. This timing meant that I would not go back to teaching next year but go directly from personal leave to maternity leave. This would be wonderful so that I did not have to start a school year and leave the students mid-year. We are moving into our new house in March, the bookstore is doing great, and C28 should be stable by October. So, God’s timing could not have been better.

The two and a half weeks that we knew that we were pregnant were wonderful. I felt great (tired of course, but other than that, great). We were content, truly content. I really enjoyed getting to see Jeff in a “protective daddy” role. We were so looking forward to October. At the same time, we had already fallen in love with this baby. It was our baby and it was loved dearly. We couldn’t wait to hear its heartbeat at the next appointment. We couldn’t wait to find out if it was a boy or girl. We couldn’t wait to meet this little one.

Unfortunately, we will never reach these desires. About six o’clock in the evening on February 20 (my birthday), I started feeling odd and began to spot. I called the doctor and took it easy for the evening, keeping an eye on the situation. Wednesday morning, I was still bleeding, and it had gotten heavier. We were scared. We didn’t know whether this was normal or not. We didn’t know what it meant. The doctor told us to come in at two o’clock for an ultrasound to check if everything was okay.

The ultrasound was one of the hardest things that I have ever experienced. I was so glad to have Jeff there, holding my hand. The doctor and technician were quiet - extremely quiet. They mumbled maybe five words to each other the whole time. They both looked distraught. At the end, my doctor said that it didn’t look good but he wanted to talk to some of his colleagues and then would talk to us. The technician gave me a hug and said that she was so sorry. We knew that we were loosing the baby.

Blessed be the Name of the Lord

"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD." - Job 1:21 (NASB)

The support from friends, family and people I've never met has been incredible. Amy and I thank you. Many of you shared stories of your own heartache and pain. It was an awesome testimony to how lives can continue on and heal. There were several e-mails from people who have experienced pain on a much larger scale...life-altering diseases, death of a loved one/child. It's humbling to hear that someone that has gone through emotional pain come alongside you with consolance.

I don't know why God would allow joy to come in our lives for two weeks, only to remove it this way. I don't know if he was sparing us from some level of pain/suffering further along. I know that God only gives us what we can bear, so we understand and acknowledge that God in his omniscience knows something we don't. I do not understand why, but we praise God for allowing us to experience the two weeks of joy, and look forward to the opportunity to experience that joy to the fullest.

I've gone back through reading my blog over the past month, and God used my own words to teach me a lesson. In the blog I posted announcing our pregnancy, I made the following statement(s):

I truly believe that God does take care of His people if they will simply let Him.

God, give me the patience to see things in your time.
Give me the strength I need to complete your tasks.
Give me the wisdom never to question your direction.
And if I can handle it, let me do more in your name.

God, let this continue to be our prayer. Help us not to question your timing, but to lay our concerns at your feet. Know that through the joys and sadness we will continue to praise Your name. You give, and You take away. Blessed be Your name.

He Gives and He Takes Away

Most of you know that we were expecting our first child in October. For reasos beyond our control we have lost this child. As near as the doctor can tell, the child stopped developing about a week ago, and upon examination there was no heartbeat.

Amy and I, of course, are distraught. We will be hanging low somewhat for the next couple days and we greatly appreciate your prayers and e-mail encouragements.

Please get the word out. we told many people so they could pray for us when we found out we were pregnant. We will need those prayers still.

In view of God's mercy,

Jeff Reed

Gift from God

Amy and I are PREGNANT. Okay, so she's pregnant and I just stand around and look pretty. But, in fact, we are having a kid sometime in September/October. Ironically, she was pregnant when we were on the mission trip to Ukraine. Our child is already a missionary!

Were we trying? No.
Were we surprised? Wouldn't you be?
Are we happy? Extremely!

How great is our God? As many of you know we have been going through the adoption process for YEARS. Our goal was to adopt internationally (from Russia or Ukraine) and honestly we have not had a peace with the whole international adoption system. And now, God has opened the door allowing us to see His provisions for us. I truly believe that God does take care of His people if they will simply let Him.

Is this going to change our life? Duh! The great thing about the Christian life, though, is that God already has the whole thing figured out. We just need to follow his plan, seek his kingdom, and let him do the worrying. (Matthew 6:33-34). So how am I going to balance two Christian businesses, a church plant, a pregnant wife, moving into a new home and preparing our new house for our child (not forgetting blogging)? I have no idea. But God has put those tasks in front of me, so I press on. (Acts 20:24).

PRAY FOR US. With fibromyalgia, this is going to be a difficult pregnancy for Amy, and the first 3 months are crucial for development. As of now Amy is healthy (and glowing), but the doctor recommended much bed rest. The doctor advised us not to tell people because the chances of miscarriage are so high. God gave us this gift, and we want to make sure we can sustain it! Pray that we continue to follow his path. Pray for Amy's health, that she will carry the baby to term, and that he/she will be healthy, and will learn to run with God as like his/her daddy.

Early Jaunary was probably one of the lowest points in my life. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. It's always amazing to me when God uses the dark points to teach us lessons about the light. I blogged a prayer during a phase when I was coming out of the dark time; I believe this truly encompasses who I am. I hope you can appreciate it, understanding that this is now my hearts cry, my lifesong.

God, give me the patience to see things in your time.
Give me the strength I need to complete your tasks.
Give me the wisdom never to question your direction.
And if I can handle it, let me do more in your name.

God, do not hold back your blessings. Help me to continue to impact your Kingdom.
I'm not sure how, but if I can, let me do more in your name.

Personal Notes from Colossians

After getting back into the country, I spent some time in Colossians.

(1:16) || If all things were created by Him and for Him, does that mean the bad things too? Hitler? Stalin? Bin Ladin?

(1:22) || I love how Paul basically equates the salvation of the world down into a simple equation. Christ body + Christ death = Holy You.

(1:22-28) || I've blogged on this several times, but the idea that Paul is a workaholic who struggled to understand the power that God gives him is a huge encouragement to me. Knowing that he "struggled" to preach the "fullness" of the gospel shows me that even successful Christians wrestle with their calling!

(2:1) || Paul uses the same word again... "struggling". I always thought of Paul as this confident, demanding go-getter type, not someone who struggles...

(2:8) || This is the key verse of C28. It was also the cornerstone of my talk in Ukraine. Question your faith! Is it of Human Tradition or of Christ!

(2:16) || Following a response to my blog on "Blue Laws" and judgmental Christians, I found this in my notes again: "Do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a Sabbath day.

(2:20) || I had a Matrix moment reading this verse. Since you died to the world, why do you still allow it to control you. I pictured Neo getting the snot beat out of him by Morpheus in "the Matrix", having a hard time breathing. Morpheus ends up saying "why are you breathing hard? do you think that's air you're breathing?"

(3:8) || "rid yourself of anger"... how does this differ from Jesus' flipping over the moneychangers table. "filthy language from your lips"... I never really understood who defines "filthy". Is it Biblical? How does God keep up with cultural changes. What's God's opinion of fo' shizel. I am only half-kidding here. How is filthy language defined?

(3:17) || "whatever you do, work or deed"... sounds like another one of my definitive verses. It's okay to be a workaholic as long as you do it for the Lord "giving thanks to God the Father".

(4:5) || "Make the most of every opportunity" - yet another challenge. This book really challenges me to go harder.

(4:12) || "wrestling in prayer". Ever have one of those prayer sessions where you break a sweat? I think that is just the tip. Man, how great would it be for Paul to say of me, yeah, that guy goes to the mat when he prays. Good job Epaphras!

Businesses closed on Sunday

Perry Noble, Pastor of NewSpring Church in Anderson, SC posted some controversial thoughts on Blue Laws, which in South Carolina restrict businesses from opening on Sundays. He is very passionate on the topic; Below are some exerpts on the subject:

I know I will take heat for this…but frankly I do not care. If you are a Christian then please hear me–it is ridiculous to think that sealing off options for people on Sunday’s will drive them to church! I say open the mall–open Wal-Mart…businesses do not scare me at all–BRING THEM ON! If NewSpring cannot provide more excitement than Wal Mart then we need to shut our doors! It’s up to the church to provide something worth coming to.

To be honest…this blue laws debate proves the hypocrisy of some Christians in our county. I mean, the same people that are yelling about stores being open on Sunday have NO problem when the county “temporarily” lifts the ban on blue laws during the Christmas season. Uh…WHAT THE HECK? If there is EVER a time to fight for the blue laws…shouldn’t it be Christmas? Uh…Jesus’ birthday!!! BUT…because it is convenient for many Christians to shop on Sunday during that time they say nothing

This whole thing is just stupid. Then there are the Christians who yell, “You should not work on Sunday!” I have two problems with that…I WORK ON SUNDAY…so does our entire staff. Like it or not–it takes WORK to make things happen around here.

And then (this BURNS ME UP) the same Christians that YELL about people NOT working on Sundays…what do they do when church is over? Answer: THEY GO OUT TO EAT!!! Uh…isn’t that forcing people to work on Sunday’s? HYPOCRITE…don’t you dare scream about people not working on Sunday’s and then go to a business that is open on Sunday and support it with your money!

NOW…I am ALL for a day of rest. God COMMANDS it in Scripture…if you will look at Exodus 20 the LONGEST of the ten commandments is the one about rest. BUT somehow I do not think that by this command that God meant that Christians are supposed to legislate morality and pass laws that force people to follow Him!

Jeff's Take: to be honest this is one of my biggest struggles in Christian retailing, not being able to be open on Sunday. Our Christian Bookstore is closed on Sundays. I have several customers (and some friends) that are adamant that we remain closed on Sundays. And I know the spiel, "Remember the Sabbath Day to keep it Holy". I hear you, I understand.

Jump to 2007. Here I am, as a Christian business, unable to open. Unlike South Carolina, Florida does not have "Blue laws", but I know if I open my business on Sunday it will receive persecution from Christians in the area. I've already seen it, as many Christians "boycott" the local Family Christian chain since they are open on Sunday. And I know the arguements...keep the Sabbath holy.

What I don't understand is isn't the Sabbath really Saturday? I'm no Biblical Scholar mind you. But isn't the seventh day really Saturday? Where does Sunday come in? Beyond that, though, a large (and growing) number of churches are offering a Saturday service. Many of my employees go to church on Saturday. If I was not on a church staff, Amy and I would attend our Saturday night church service. Does that make us any less "godly" or invalidate our spiritual experience because the service is not on the "cultural" definition of the Sabbath?

However, in Mark 3 Jesus healed on the Sabbath. He didn't "work" on a Sabbath, but he did minister. I believe the intent was not to prevent ministry, but to maintain a time to focus on God. "Which is lawful on the Sabbath? To do good and evil, or to save life or to kill?" Jesus ministered on the Sabbath. He basically slapped the religious leaders in the face. The intent is not to prevent ministry.

The thing that frustrates me the most is when I think of how much ministry we lose by not being open on Sundays. How many lives are out there that we lose impact? Who approaches our doorway, sees our "Closed" sign, and never comes back? If God gave us this ministry, are we being good stewards of it by closing our doors 14% of the time?

Understand me, though, I will never have the bookstore open on Sunday. It cannot happen. There are many Christians who would applaud our direction and support us. And there are some Christians who would make sure that the world knew were were sinning against God. For the reasons I shared, I don't believe it's a sin. I just hope that the ministry we "lose" are ones that God can afford. And I hope God forgives me for not using the gift He's given to it's fullest extent.

Notes from "Christians Living Outside of the Box"

As promised, attached are my notes from the "Christians Living Outside the Box" message I spoke when I was in Ukraine. Good luck reading the handwriting. I already blogged on the overall Ukrainian Experience. And I apologize for handwriting notes. I usually type, but I wrote this message, in it's entirety, when I was over there. Enjoy.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, this post marks my 100th post since moving over to RUNwithGOD.com. Thanks to all of you who continue to read the blog! I greatly appreciate you all. Thanks for being my stress relief!

Struggling Christian Workoholic

If you read this blog, you know I'm a workoholic.
If you read this blog, you know I'm very honest.
You share my joys.
You share my sadness.
Successes. Failures.
You know me.

Since the new year I have been struggling. Emotionally I've just been spent. I know that I'm doing God's work, in His time. I've been praying for strength. I've been praying for guidance. I've been praying for direction and endurance to withstand the trials that come.

Honestly, though, I'm running out of gas. In deep, dark places that I don't want to talk about I'm afraid that I can't do the road God put ahead of me. I know He's ahead of me. I know I'm following His will, His plan. However, I struggle with the direction I'm on...and I don't know why. I've blogged on it before. Yet here I am again, in the same place. There must be something wrong with me. Why do I keep doubting the road I'm on.

Colossians 1:28-29 28) We proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. 29) To this end I labor, struggling with all His energy which so powerfully works in me.

This verse tells me two things:
1) Paul too is a workoholic for the Kingdom. He proclaims, admonishes, and teaches everyone in wisdom and his goal is to win them to Christ. And he labors in this, as it is not a hard task.
2) For Paul, "struggling with all [God]'s energy", life was never a cakewalk. Even with God giving him strength, Paul had bad days where he questioned direction, or thought he couldn't do the tasks laid ahead. I guess the lesson from Paul is not to question whether God will give you the strength to do it, but to ask for patience so that in God's time He can reveal His energy that "so powerfully works" in Paul.

God, give me the patience to see things in your time.
Give me the strength I need to complete your tasks.
Give me the wisdom never to question your direction.
And if I can handle it, let me do more in your name.

Personal Notes from Mark

In Ukraine I finished my personal study on the book of Mark. Here are some of the highlights.

(1:17-20) || Look at the caliber of people Jesus recruited for disciples. Working class on practically all of them! What does that say about his leadership style? He wasn't looking for someone qualified with plenty of references. He was looking for a simple block of clay that He could mold however he wanted to.

(2:13-17) || I love the fact that "many" "sinners" were having dinner with Jesus. And they were comfortable around Him. And He was comfortable around them! We can learn a lot about ministry if we can only figure out how make people "comfortable" around us while not being "in the world". I would have loved to have been at this party!

(4:30-34) || Jesus tells the Parable of the Mustard Seed to a large crowd, but doesn't explain what the parable means until the disciples are alone with Him. Why would he have not explained that to the entire crowd?

(5:1-20) || The "Legion" demon-posession story always fascinates me. What jumped out to me this time was 2 things: 1) v15-17... when the townspeople saw the demon-posessed person healed and dressed neatly, they FREAKED OUT and kicked Jesus out of town. 2) v18-19... man formerly known as "Legion" wants to travel with Jesus, who told him no. Instead, the man ends up shariong his story with 10 cities worth of people. Another great example of God telling you "no", or waiting for God's timing.

(6:1-6) || The Hometown Prophet story always hit close to home (since I serve in the church I grew up in). If I understand right, Jesus could not do many miracles because people's faith in Him was small. Why could He not just do something outrageous to prove to them that He really was God! Is "faith" really required, like physically required, for Jesus to do miracles? Could He heal someone that did not believe?

(6:22) || Does it disgust anyone else that Herod has his step-daughter performing as a "stripper" at his birthday party? Call me crazy...

(6:51-52) || The disciples just saw a crazy miracle of Jesus feeding 5,000 people, yet v52 "they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened." What don't you understand? How can you have a hardened heart after seeing that?

(7:6-13) || Anyone who ever says that God doesn't care about "traditions" needs to read v9 "you have a fine way of setting aside the comands of God in order to observe your own traditions!"

(7:33) || Jesus heals a deaf mute by spitting on his tongue and sticking his fingers into his ears. Did He physically have to do this or is he putting on a show?

(9:29) || Jesus says (of a demon): "This kind can come out only by prayer." - Question: how many kinds are there? What are other ways, other than prayer, to get a demon out?

(10:17-22) || "One thing you lack". I have read it, many times lately, about this whole idea of sell everything and give it to the poor (v21). Jesus said to this man, who already knew the commandments, that he basically lacked faith? Is wealth to be given away so that we can strengthen our faith?

(11:12-19) || Jesus clears the temple - yet another reliving of my fear of tables.

(12:36) || Jesus says that King David speaks "by the Holy Spirit" in Psalm 110. I thought that the Holy Spirit didn't come to earth until Pentecost... what's he doing down here during Old Testament times. (For the record, my "theology" knowledge on the Holy Spirit is at best weak._

(13:37) || I pay no attention to the end of the world stuff. Jesus says "Watch"! Maybe I should pay more attention.

(15:37-39) || The physical attributes of Jesus at His death was so unique that his mind was changed, and he was led to say "surely this man was the Son of God." Mark says that the centurion was led to make that statement because he "heard [Jesus'] cry and saw how [Jesus] died." All this time I thought the centurion made that statement because of the temple curtain.

(15:43) || Joseph of Arimathea, whose tomb Jesus was buried in, is described as a man "waiting for the Kingdom of God." I hope to be worthy of those words as well.

Next up, a break from the Gospels (I've done Matthew and Mark recently). I'll have Colossians posted soon.

Fear of Tables

Let me say first off that today is typically the second busiest day in the retail year, and both of my stores did very well. TLW continues to raise the bar of expectations, and C28 WPB is paving the road in the middle of spiritual unrest. God is good, and even though there are times when I question His timing, it's good to lean back on memories of successful days and know that He is in control.

It was really good to see all the customers come in today. This week in SoFL we've had nothing but rain, rain, rain, rain. It was like a cold front was coming in, but we never really got the cold front. Instead we had rain almost solid for a week. ARGH! Nothing kills biz like the rain. What was great about today is that it still rained, and the customers came out anyway.

I worked at the bookstore this morning. I thought they would need some help and they did. I worked the floor for the most part, answering questions for the customers while the emps ran the registers. We were clicking and the registers were ringing. Running a retail store in December makes up for the lousy 11 months leading up to it.

It's funny how God finds ways to humble you right before the whole pride thing kicks in. There was this woman I was helping in the Bible section. She was trying to find Bibles for her 2 twenty-something kids. They don't really go to church, and she was hoping to find something that was easy for them to understand. I was showing her some of the NIV Study Bibles, and explaining how study bibles work.

Lesson #1 in selling a Bible: Crack it open. Find a scripture and read it to the customer. Let them hear the language, see the text, see the helps. It's like sitting in a car you want to buy. You got to "feel" it before you can own it. So I opened up the Bible and flipped to a "random" verse. Usually I am quite specific on what verses I read to customers. Go with something simple, John 3, Luke 2, ets... In this Bible, the pages got stuck and I ended up in Matthew 21 and read the verse found in the upper right hand corner of the page... verse 12.

What's the big deal? This verse is my nightmare.

Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. "It is written," he said to them, " 'My house will be called a house of prayer,' but you are making it a 'den of robbers.'"

As a Christian retailer, my greatest fear is standing before my God and having him say "You made a mockery of me by selling _____________ in My Name." Really, I do fear that. I think sometimes as Christian retailers we try to justify what we're doing. So did the moneychangers. "Selling doves? We're providing a service? Well, the churches can't handle selling the doves to everyone! If we don't give them doves, then who else will? We have to pay the rent somehow? God made the doves, we're just the middleman for the people!" All of these may be valid arguments, but it evidently was bad enough to cause Jesus, a man who is known to literally turn the other cheek, to go medieval on some tables.

And I don't know about you, but I don't want to be on the wrong end of Jesus' temper. Would you? So yes, on the eve of this holiday season when we will do 3 months worth of sales in one month, I encourage you to join me in remembering the reason we celebrate.

Thank you, Jesus, for the opportunity we have to celebrate Your arrival, your name, your renown. May my actions, my intent, my life be perceived not as a moneychanger selling doves, but a person intent on impacting lives for your kingdom.

Smiling Addiction

Ever been 5 minutes late for a very important meeting, and your car won't start? That has been my life for the past month. Yes my new Dodge Ram 1500 is on the verge of dying on me. And it's not from usage. The body is fine. The engine revs (it does, after all, have a Hemi). Here's the deal. When we bought it, we bought this security device that requires that a small black box (that fits on my key chain) has to be inside the truck for the car to start. No box, no start. Well, the battery has been dying for several months now, and it all-out gave out today. I get into my truck this morning and it would not start. To make matters worse, my wife is in Texas and my parents are out of town as well so I had absolutely no one close to call. Although my truck looked fine out the outside, it was useless. It would not start, and no matter how much I cranked it, there was nothing there to give back.

Parallel that to the Christian walk. So many of us look pretty on the outside, especially sitting in those pews Sunday morning. "Problems, no problems here. Not at this church. You must be thinking of that other church. Yeah, they've got problems." And so we live our lives struggling in our walk, questioning in our beliefs, fighting against things we aren't allowed to discuss, and doubting in our personal walk. This is amplified because we're too embarrassed to let it be known or too ashamed that we've failed in our "Christian Walk". And so the masks go on. You know, the smiles...the handshakes...the facade, All so a bunch of people that probably don't matter think that you're Godly. Put on your masks.

According to Barna Research (among MANY OTHERS) divorce is as high or higher among Christians when compared to "unchurched" people groups. Which honestly makes sense to me. Why should it be any different? We live in a sinful world, and yet while we as Christians try to live a perfect life we will never do it because we are SINFUL PEOPLE! But hey, let's just keep pretending everything is alright. No, Christians don't have faulty marriages. We don't sin. We're perfect. And so the game continues. Put on another layer of makeup. You've got some holes in your mask.

Have you ever realized how hard it is to be something you're not? The game is hard, long, frustrating, taxing. All your energy is spent creating the image of something healthy, but you still hurt on the inside. I struggle with this. Keep happy. Keep smiling. And move on. No pain here. No struggles. No doubts. No questions. No hurts. If we aren't all happy Christians, then we wouldn't be Christians right? Because it's Biblical that we all have to be perfect, happy... Uh oh, the mask is looking pretty rough. Might need to replace this one...

That's the lie, and that's the game. Sure, you'll look pretty on the outside. Deep down you're as worthless as a new truck that won't start. Looks good on the outside, but other than that, not too much. Careful, some of your true self is showing through the mask...

The funny this is that God doesn't care about the image. He never has. Which has surprised me in that so many of us struggle trying to please people that don't matter...trying to live up to pseudo-Biblical standards set by the proverbial Joneses, when they are only trying to keep up with the Smiths. But God who is only interested in a relationship gets put on the back-burner because we don't have time. We're too busy playing games and smiling faces, and feeling guilty on the inside because we're the only people playing the game. Or so we think.

If you've read this much, I encourage you to watch this video. Realize that you're not the only one playing the game. And frankly God doesn't care about the game.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. - Romans 5:1-5

Jeff the Israellite

You ever think you've got everything under control, and then something happens and you realize you really have no control over what's going on? Welcome to my world.

C28 opening weekend was awesome. People were packed in the store, excited. There were some people we saw two or three times in a two day period because they were coming back with their friends. We were literally a light in a dark world. And with God that is a great place to be.

Then came the end of the weekend, and we opened on Monday to what could be compared to a barren wasteland. It was REAL SLOW. And since my emotions go up and down worse than a roller coaster, I immediately paniced. I've been walking in faith on this C28 thing that God was leading me to the "If you build it, they will come" mentality, and early this week was painful because NO ONE CAME! Crises of faith hit people because of big things... Death of family, disease, etc. I know it sounds crazy, but my crisis came on Monday when sales were low.

Just like the Israellites, I was wandering the desert...forgetting what God had done to get me out of captivity, questioning whether or not He was still going to provide...whining about how we can't survive at this level...crying about not enough manna hitting the proverbial cash drawers.

I'm having lunch Wednesday with a Youth for Christ guy up here in West Palm, when it hit me. Jeff, God allowed you to build this incredible kingdom-impact opportunity. He did it in such a way that you know it is Him. He brought you incredible employees. And now that He's built it, you're going to question His ability to control the situation? Why don't you go wander the desert for 40 years!

When this hit me, I literally started tearing up @ lunch with a guy I just met. It was comical. More than that, I apologized to God for questioning him. It's amazing how easy it is to have faith when your moving in a direction you want to go... after all "I'm following God." But when He stops is another story.

God, help me not to forget what you've done. And help me to continually trust that you are completely in control, especially when things are not going as expected.

Psalm 124: Our Help is in the Name of the Lord

You ever find one of those scriptures that haunts you? I'm not talking about little angels and demons with pitchforks sneaking up on you and saying "BOO!". I'm talking about a scripture that your mind goes back to with every passing moment, trying to work out the finer details... you strain in an attempt to read between the lines, knowing that there's something else there.

I'm in the middle of one of those now. I bought a CD (I do know a great place to buy them from) called "Please Don't Make Us Sing This Song". No, not kidding. It's a folk-rock CD, filled with some of my favorite artists that no one has ever heard of. Waterdeep (Don & Lori Chaffer), Derek Webb, Jami Smith, Jill Phillips... these are all regulars on the Nano. But there was this one song that I couldn't process. I've been commuting back and forth to West Palm, and I must have repeated this song dozens of times, working it through... Seth Wood's "O The Deaths We Would Have Known If You Had Not Been With Us" based verbatim on Psalm 124. While I've never heard of Seth Woods and have enjoyed Googling him and "The Sad Accordions" for the past hour, I do think we need to look at some other things. Buy the CD, listen to the song. If you like Acoustic Rock, you'll love it. Let's move on.

Psalm 124

A song of ascents. Of David.

1 If the LORD had not been on our side— let Israel say- 2 if the LORD had not been on our side when men attacked us, 3 when their anger flared against us, they would have swallowed us alive; 4 the flood would have engulfed us, the torrent would have swept over us, 5 the raging waters would have swept us away. 6 Praise be to the LORD, who has not let us be torn by their teeth. 7 We have escaped like a bird out of the fowler's snare; the snare has been broken, and we have escaped. 8 Our help is in the name of the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Told you it was powerful. Look at the passion of the scripture: "men attacked", "anger flared", "flood...engulfed", torrent...swept", "raging waters", "torn by teeth". This is literary genius. This scripture is as visual as I've seen in a long time... I don't know about you, but I get the feeling there was some bad stuff going on. I became obsessed. What's going on? Who's attacking who? Flood: literal or figurative? And what does a snare drum have to do with anything?

I've poured over commentaries. One says that David was celebrating the release of Israel from captivity - ie Moses (attacked in slavery, flood being the parting of the sea). It might be my X-Files mentality showing, but I think there is a conspiracy here keeping me from the truth. Other commentaries echo my thoughts. To quote Matthew Henry, "David penned this psalm (we suppose) upon occasion of some great deliverance which God wrought for him and his people." Geez, when Henry doesn't even know, you know you're in trouble.

In the end it doesn't really matter. Let's just speculate that it's a new event. Bad, angry people wanting to kill you. Torrential storms on rough waters. Not a pastoral place for the people of God. You got some serious smack going down, and what are the children of God going to do? Be better children of God. Sacrifice two lambs. Throw the strange guy off the boat towards the whale. Look at the scripture again.

"If the Lord had not been on our side." (v1, 2). READ: He was already there. When the men attacked, when they surrounded us, when they were going to kill us, the Lord was there. When the floods came and the waves were on top of us, dragging us away, the Lord was there. How great is it that we have a God that doesn't want to see us dead? I mean that, not at all funny. Why does the Lord have to be on our side? Christian/Jesus/Holy Spirit thing I get it. You're missing the point. What if God chose to side with everyone but us and we were obliterated? What if God enabled our enemies to overcome us? What if the flood would engulf us? the torrent sweeping us away? Why does God choose us? Therein lies some of my "haunting". Regardless of our failures, evidently God wants us around, and is willing to come to our rescue, preventing us from being "torn by their teeth". (v6)

What did/does God do? "We escaped like a bird (sparrow) out of the fowler's snare and we have escaped" (v7). First off, translation. Fowler = Bird Hunter. Snare = drum hunting tool similar to a noose, lasso. The picture here is that we are trapped. It's not that God prevented us from facing our enemies, or even a struggle. READ: Big Bird Hunter traps us, ties a noose around us, choking us, coming close to killing us... when the noose breaks and we run free. I dunno. Sometimes I feel that 21Century Church (USA) thinks that being a Christian means God prevents our suffering. God wants us rich, happy, and more powerful than everyone else. But this is different. We are not the hunter, but the huntee. Our neck is in the noose, and it is choking us. We feel pain. We struggle on our own. We do not overpower our enemies. They live to fight another day. The Lord does not smite them. We get to the point where there is no escape without help and then the noose breaks. Help does arive. He saves us.

"Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth" (v8). This is what I cannot get out of my head. I'm trying to work it through. At the mere mentioning of the name, help arrives? I don't think God works that way. I've never viewed God as Michael Keaton in Beetlejuice: mention his name 3 times and he shows up. He's bigger than that, and doesn't need our help. As surely as His name is the Lord, He will be on our side. I don't know about you, but I sleep better at night knowing that the Maker of Heaven and Earth is "our help" (v8) and is regularly "on our side" (v1).

Things I'm taking away from this scripture:
1) Thank God He's on my side: If my enemies are "capable of swallowing us alive" (v3), then I certainly want God on my side. If He's not with me, what hope do I have? I'm floss! (ref v6).

2) Thank God I'm not in as deep as they were: My troubles are nil compared to King David's. I remember meeting a popular Christian rock group during a video interview several years ago. One of the questions I asked was for their brief testimony. After hearing each testimony about how God saved them from abusive parents, alcoholism, drugs, the sin-lifestlye, etc. We got to the lead singer who said "honestly, God saved me from the best. I grew up in a Chrisian home and never had to deal with that." Blew me away. But if our God is capable of saving us when the "flood would have engulfed us" (v4) you know he's capable of doing it now. How great is it that we don't have this fear in 21Century Church (USA). Freedom is a great thing...

3) Lest we forget... British Poet Rudyard Kipling wrote "Recessional" in 1897, going into detail how the British Navy was able to overpower and conquer the seas, spreading the "dominion" of the monarchy far and wide. Yet, as powerful as the Navy becomes, Kipling tells of it drifting away until it compared to the dwindling "Ninevah and Tyre". Governments, Kingdoms and Powers come and go, yet as long as we can keep the Lord on our side we can survive the tumult. Or as Kipling would say: "Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet, Lest we forget - lest we forget!"

O Lord, Let us never forget. When we are surrounded, engulfed and overwhelmed please be our help.