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« Christ Fellowship West Kendall | Main | links for 2007-08-29 »

2007.08.28

Comments

It seems to me that these folks value thier jobs/schedules/ministry more than they value their spouse and marriage. I think that Christians are just as easily tempted as non-Christians to fill their days doing jobs and other activities at the sacrifice of their marriage...and hey, as Christians we can disguise the time away as "ministry."

I'm sure the White's wouldn't have said that their ministry or schedules were slowing eating away at their marriage...it's a creepy little wedge that Satan allows to happen without people realizing it. I watched my parent's marriage eventally break after 20 years of my Dad putting his work and busy schedule ahead of my Mom and our family time.

Christians are told to "guard their heart" before marriage... once you're married I say "guard your time with your spouse and family."

I don't think there are easy answers to your questions. There are probably many reasons why Christian marriages fail at the same rate as marriages among non-believers.

Kimberly makes an excellent point about people putting work, or ministry, ahead of family. And people in the limelight have more pressure to perform so they are probably more prone to lack family time.

I'll brainstorm a few reasons why I think Christian marriages might fail:

--Some Christians marry for sex. They take sexual purity seriously and don't want to "burn with passion" or sin against God. But this can become the primary issue determining when marriage occurs. So people marry young and neglect important considerations such as spiritual depth, compatibility, and whether the relationship can endure hardship, change, and the maturing process of both individuals.

--Many churches don't encourage married couples to be real with their struggles. Attend any marriage seminar and you hear things like "be sure you have a weekly date night", "practice daily devotions and pray together", and "speak the truth in love." While all of these things are great--they are sometimes bandaids on cancer. You can go out to dinner, have pleasant conversation, engage in prayer (and even sex) before midnight and still wake up in the morning with unresolved marital issues. In some Christian circles you can't talk about ugly things, you can't admit to being ugly, and you can't seek help for ugliness without being harshly judged. (When I say ugly things I mean things like past sexual abuse, hatred, selfishness, obsessions and compulsions, pornography, lust, depression, etc.)

--We forget that even Christians are not perfect. God himself says that our most righteous acts are like filthy rags to Him. We fail. We are human. NONE of us are immune from this kind of crap no matter how many sermons we preach or books we write or prayers we pray. Why do we think that the people who are in noticable positions should be different than anyone else? This effort to be blameless--to have the perfect family, the perfect marriage, the perfect church--is not only exhausting, it is impossible!!

It's my opinion, and I may be really off base here, that God doesn't really even get to work on us until we are broken. When we stop trying to paint over the chips and to superglue the cracks, when we just say "Help!" THEN He can do something miraculous.

I said it a few days ago in a comment here, and I'll say it again, NONE of us have complete control of our lives. A marriage involves two people (and hopefully, the presence of God.) At any given time, one of those people can choose to walk away.

The previous two comments are excellent. Having witnessed my parent's divorce, and peered into the black hole of divorce in my own marriage, I can offer a comment or two.

Working in ministry is dangerous. Because you spend so much time helping people take care of their problems, you tend to neglect your own. It's easy to believe that by helping others, your own problems go away. And while you're helping others, you rationalize that your family understands what you do and that it's important.

The reality is we need to minister to our own families first, then as a healthy family, minister to others together. It's easy to believe the lie that "once I get through this next few weeks/months/years, I'll be able to spend more time with my family." Sadly, the harder we work to get out of the Christian rat race, the deeper in we get.

10 Years ago, I would have blamed Randy and Paula for failing the Christian community at large. Now, my heart goes out to them. At the same time, the media will use this to point out how fruitless following Christ really is. Clearly it didn't save their marriage. Those in positions of public leadership need to take extra care to guard their marriage lest they be the subject of the next headline.

Divorce does not impact just the couple involved, but their children, parents, friends and people who know them. For people in public leadership, the "blast radius" is even bigger. For this reason (and countless others), we need to pray for those in the public eye.

I wish I had the answer to why this seems to plague church leaders who "make it big."

One resource that I have been finding more and more helpful is a book by Dr. Henry Cloud. "integrity" focuses on just that, having a fully integrated character so that we can face all the bumps in the road of life and come through it all without massive casualties. I posted a snippet from the book here: http://revkevgcc.wordpress.com/2007/09/02/snippet-from-integrity/

May you find it useful as well...

Theres more to this story than meets the eye.When Randy bragged about befriending the strip club owner whom he claimed would get saved , well whos influencing who here,ex porn star turned christian up on stage with Randy....Hello?????His wife paulas hurt seeps through her. Wake up ....

I think that there is a great attack of satan not only on the church, but on christian families. It is quite unfortunate that this is happening, first the JuanitaBynum and Bishop Weeks and now this?.

Christians, wake up, pray for ministers of the gospel, pray for their families, pray for the church and above all pray for these families that are going through this very difficult times, pray for the whites, the weeks and all other christian families going through difficult situations as this cos divorce is not part of God's plan when He instituted marriage.

WE were told by God that the end times would be chaotic, that sin and confusion would distract us from our responsibility to be ready. Perhaps it was the distraction of money and the whirlwind of fame that caused this family to fall, perhaps it was the simple allowance of satan's lies to take hold. After all, isn't that what the crafty serpent does? He's been doing it for how long now? What better way to weaken the hearts and minds of God's army but through the family. This world is so distracted by vanity and appearance and sex appeal that commitment to the ones you Love is almost impossible. Just turning on the television will put something (even as simple as a bra commercial)in your mind's eye that is unhealthy to the concept of commitment and/or morality. Therefor we are letting the god of this world win! He's laughing at the fall of family. He's clapping at the dissolution of marriage. Perhaps the White's will come to there senses and not allow satan the victory in the end. But either way, this chaos is supposed to happen. The time is near folks. Do not allow the viper to distract you by stealing your family values and prudency away! Instead focus on keeping your family bound tightly with the truths of God wich is our reasonable service!

Divorce is not an option. Go back to your first spouses and allow God to do what he does best. Turn mess into bless.

Maybe the failure of the White's marriage is a reflection of their true spiritual depravity. Maybe the Lord decided to turn the tables in the temple over on their ministry.

Let God be true and every man a liar.

...one too many. My mum always advise, 'when things happen, you can't just look to the surface, there is more to it that meets the eyes'. I am not so quick or particularly intrested in laying blames, all i can say is, what lesson is there for me to learn. How can these events bring me to the realisation of how much I need God to work me through issues. I still believe that marriages from the original context, was design to last by God irrespective of the facts and events happenings before me. Afterall, I should live by faith not by sight. I believe I have the altimate example in Jesus, though I still have a lot to learn.

those who judge have no idea what these two have sacraficed for the "people" . thier family, thier kids, thier marriage. you ever hear of married couples staying together just "for the kids" . unfortunately, that's the case here. I for one am happy to know they no longer have to live a lie of a happy marriage. i wish the best for both of them. god is soverign. he knows the begining and the end. to the other christian leaders with miserable marriages who continue to deceive the body of christ so be it.

I am certainly not judging anyone especially when I consider all of the failures and mistakes that I have had in my life. Jesus has always been merciful to me. I just hope and pray that this couple can reconcile and not divorce. Satan really loves to hurt families especially the families of ministers. Everyone knows about PK's and how difficult it is for children of ministers. I believe in prosperity but I also believe in hard work to accomplish what needs to be done in life. I feel every couple needs to work hard at relationships. I hope and pray that they can reconcile. I hope and pray that healing will happen to these people.

Hello, I just wanted to mention what the Bible says about Elders and Bishops of the church. Read 1 Tim 3 and Titus 1. There is too much of the world comming into the church. We keep making excuses for all this sin in the leadership and there is no accountability. We use the old saying judge not lest you be judged. Well the Bible never taught not to judge sin it taught not to judge thier soul, the eternal part of man.Only God judges the soul. If we are not to judge sin then why does the Word say that "we" will one day judge angels? Why did Paul tell the Corintians that there was a brother sleeping with his fathers wife, and that the church should turn him over to satan if he did not correct his evil behavior. Then Paul goes on to tell the church that we are to judge those in the church and we are not to judge those in the world because they are not of the body of Chirst. He then says not to even eat with them. This is not legalism this is rightouseness. Paul says in Romans we have grace and liberty in Christ, but we are not to use grace and liberty to continue in sinful behavior. We are to crucify our flesh, we are to crucify our old way like Christ was crucified so that we may live. Thru his death we are to live in the power of Christ.
What is so funny about say for exampel the Whites, is this. They preach a message that "you" can be set free from all the stronholds that are in your life, but yet the Whites can not seem to be set free from this stronghold in their own life. They speak of great faith and great power in Chirst but where is that Christ in the center of thier marriage. Paula talks of being overcommers, but yet there is no overcomming this part of her life. You have to lead by example. No we are not perfect, when you keep looking to Chirst you can work thru all that enters your life. There are Biblical criteria for entering into divorce, and if the Whites are just "going in different direction of life" then that is not a biblical way. The word says that God will not put more on you that you can bare, and what ever has come into their life, if they were really following the same God that Moses followed then they would see that they could make it out of the wilderness. We need to get back to the Bible, get out of this money making gospel and crazy lifestyles that have been glamorized by these so called Christain leaders. We are making Christ look bad, we are telling the world Christ is alive, yet we make him look as if he never came out of the grave. I leave you all with 1 John 2:2-6 that say is part, that "if we say we know Him that we should walk as though He walked".

This is quite sad been a ministry I personally look up to in a way, but i believe we just have to go back to the scriptures Heb 12:2; Looking unto Jesus to author and finisher of our faith.

Marriage is of God and for me Divorce is not an option, not a thought, the Bible clearly says is not by power nor by might but my spirit says the Lord of Host.

I believe once marriage starts on a good note we tend to forget God and focus more on ourselves, and clearly it is written if the foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do Psalm 11:3, Jesus is our Rock, our Foundation

This is a tragic situation! I think we should pray for them. What I have taken from this is that we have to stop placing so much emphasis on prophets, teachers, evangelists, pastors, apostles! It's all about Christ! HE is the giver of the gift. We need to support our local pastors and focus on our community in which God has us in. This generation is starting to place preachers (especially preachers on television) on another level as if they were god's and can do no wrong. Jesus is our Lord and Savior; HE's who we have to give an account to!

We forget so many times that the word of God is truth and it does not change, regardless of the individuals. As Christians we are to be Christ example to the world so that the world will know him. If we need a financial breakthrough we don't stop working, if we are sick we won't stop seeing the doctor,etc we ask for help in all life situations and we will persevere in all these other areas but marriage is one area we will excuse, find reasons because we think there is no judgement for it and we have probably found scriptures to misuse or mis-state for our own purposes. We have made a covenant and a vow and broke it. If we truly understand what a covenant is. Would we break it? We can define blessing, miracles, offerings, forgiveness, but not true covenant. We break covenant not only with our spouse but with God and we make him out to be a liar and his word does not work. We must not kid ourselves, we must reconcile and become right with God. I love my sister Paula and brother Randy White and pray for them, but right is right. For my Juanita Bynum, is doing the right thing, she is not a punching bag nor doormat. Her husband needs mental and spiritual help. The bible said to Love you wife not beat you wife. This is not and will never be expectable to God. This was why Moses was allow to write the law of divoicement. We need to get our facts straight and rightly divide the word of truth.

So many of these comments just blow me away. The Lord gave one reason for divorce and that was adultery. If not for adultery then they have no right to divorce. But then again these "Ministers" are not preaching the gospel of God but of man. They are trying to make money and please men and they can't do that and get anywhere. They need to speak, live and love the Word of God and Preach IT every day. My parents have been married 57 years and my Father has preached every one of those years. I have been married 35 years and I'm an elder in our congregation. There is no reason for divorce in people who profess to be "Christian" so I guess they really aren't Christians. Matt 7:21-23 from the Message says it best.

21-23"Knowing the correct password—saying 'Master, Master,' for instance— isn't going to get you anywhere with me. What is required is serious obedience—doing what my Father wills. I can see it now—at the Final Judgment thousands strutting up to me and saying, 'Master, we preached the Message, we bashed the demons, our God-sponsored projects had everyone talking.' And do you know what I am going to say? 'You missed the boat. All you did was use me to make yourselves important. You don't impress me one bit. You're out of here.'

Prayer is the key and faith unlock the door, BUT REMEMBER THAT GOD DOESN'T HERE A SINNER PRAYER. David asked the questions, LORD WHO SHALL ABIDE IN THY TABERNACLE? WHO SHALL DWELL IN THY HOLY HILL(psalm 15)? Many people think that because they pray their prayers are being heard not so, JESUS only hear the people who are following his laws (No JESUS, No HOLY GHOST, No SALVATION). Instead of trusting JESUS people put they trust in people with big names and Big money. JESUS didn't promise you riches on earth so, why then do they preach riches for all.

I don't know so much about this ministry to make an accurate assessment about it, but I think that people nowadays flocking a specific famous evangelist simply because they have so-called wisdom or annointed preaching. I think that most Christians think it is okay to find wisdom because it's the love of money (not other things) that it is the root of evil. The fact is when we replace God even with wisdom or other things that seem admirable, this is still called adolatry. The bible even says that our good work (righteousness) is filty rug. : Paul said in "1Cor 1 : 22 Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, 23 but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God". I believe if we seek wisdom or annointed preaching that separate from Christ it's in fain. Salomon, was the most famous King loaded with wisdom He said in Ecclesiastes 1:12 "I, the Preacher, was king over Israel in Jerusalem. 13 And I set my heart to seek and search out by wisdom concerning all that is done under heaven; this burdensome task God has given to the sons of man, by which they may be exercised. 14 I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and indeed, all is vanity and grasping for the wind.
15 What is crooked cannot be made straight,
And what is lacking cannot be numbered.

16 I communed with my heart, saying, “Look, I have attained greatness, and have gained more wisdom than all who were before me in Jerusalem. My heart has understood great wisdom and knowledge.” 17 And I set my heart to know wisdom and to know madness and folly. I perceived that this also is grasping for the wind.
18 For in much wisdom is much grief,
And he who increases knowledge increases sorrow". Yes, we all need wisdom but apart from Christ is all in vain. Tanya

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