Man has "iPhone Surgery"

UPDATE AUGUST 13, 2007: I formally retract this blog. Find out why.

There are very few things in life that truly disturb me. This is one of them:

To quote CBNNews.com...

Man Has Thumbs Altered to Use iPhone

CBNNews.com - A Colorado man recently had radical surgery on his thumbs to use his apple iPhone more easily.

Thomas Martel was having a hard time using the tiny features on his new iPhone with his large hands, The North Denver News reports.

"From my old Treo, to my Blackberry, to this new iPhone, I had a hard time hitting the right buttons, and I always lost those little styluses," The North Denver News quoted Martel.

So he had his thumbs scaled down with a new technique called whittling.

Doctors made a small cut in both thumbs and then shaved the bones. Afterwards they adjusted the muscles and fingernails.

"Sure, the procedure was expensive," he said. "But when I think of all the time I save by being able to use modern handhelds so much faster, I really think the surgery will pay for itself in ten to fifteen years. And what it's saving me in frustration - that's priceless."

Uh, yeah. Is anyone else mortified? He hacked up his hands and shaved bone away so he can type on an iPhone! Listen, I'm Apple's #1 fan. I've got more gadgets than I know what to do with. I'm as wired as they get. I've also got huge hands. I'm a former football player (Offensive Line) that can palm a basketball no problem... But I'm not going to shave bone off my fingers so I can use an iPhone quicker than normal.

Come on! The thing has built in spellcheck! Really! You type wurhim and it knows the word you meant to type is "within". How much of a freak are you that you would rather go through physical pain than mistype a word in your phone!

I'm besides myself. Can you tell?

Get's better: Evidently the guy is now walking around with big fingers, tiny thumbs... To quote the North Denver News...

While Martel's new thumbs now appear small and effeminate in comparison to his otherwise very large hands, he says he can still lift "pretty much anything I could lift before the surgery - though opening spaghetti sauce jars has been a problem. That was a big surprise."

I cannot believe we live in a culture where people are driven to succeed, to get ahead no matter the cost, even if it will cost them physical damage in the future. Or, for that matter, the ability to upen spaghetti sauce jars!

In other news (totally unrelated, of course), congratulations to Barry Bonds for his record breaking 756th Home Run. Now that Barry has finally hit the long ball, maybe he'll fade into his steroid-ridden, HGH-obsessed oblivion and us baseball purists can get back to a game where we're not obsessing over cheaters and other illegal-medical marvels. Barry, I hope the title you carry is worth the damages your body goes through.

Thanks to Anthony Kirchner, Facebook Friend and CBN employee, for tipping me off on the thin-thumbed iPhone fanatic.

Comments

[Jon]

WOW. I cannot believe it. That's just crazy...