I'm going to be honest with you, I track your movements. Not in the stalker way, but in the cyber-stalker way. RUNwithGOD.com has really been growing as of late, and I just love seeing how people are finding me, and what they're reading when they are on the site. Does that make me creepy?
You'd be shocked how people are finding me. I'm building a decent amount of link-love among friends and associates, but more than that Google loves me. :)
However, I got a search the other day that made weep. Somebody searched on Yahoo.com:
And somehow, they ended up on my site. I'm actually the #1 listed site (or I was as of the posting of this blog). First off, it's crazy to think how that search gets to my site. However, what I'd rather focus on is the mindset of the person that does that search.
I've already said that I love observing people, but this one really hit home. Why? Because this person I've never met could very well have been me 5 years ago. Back then I was floundering. I was seeking purpose, felt a calling of God but really had no direction. I used to pray "God, just tell me what you want me to do. Give me a sign so I can go there, get there, and do mighty things in your name." It would always anger me that despite my passion to see God glorified, I just never seemed to be on the same page as God. I was the guy typing in a search engine "God i wish i could type to you on the internet and you could respond to where you want me to go."
Wouldn't it be great if communication with God was that easy? Drop him an e-mail! The Creator of the known Universe certainly doesn't have time to talk with a peon like you. However, as a Christian I believe it is that easy. I believe in the power of prayer, and talking to God as a Christian is really not that difficult. However, getting God to "respond", at least in terms you want to hear, is a lot more difficult. Sometimes prayers sound like empty echoes bouncing off a wall. Othertimes, you can feel an answer, but it's not something you want to hear. I can't tell you how many times I had a passion for something, only to hear "wait". Doors would open only to see them close quickly and mysteriously. In my heart of hearts, what should have been "Yes" moments were "Not Yet". Frustration builds... God, let me do this. Better yet, let me do something! I don't want to flounder here anymore. Let me loose for your kingdom!
I used to tell people "I just wish God would show me where He wants me in 10 years so I know what direction to go." The funny thing is, if God showed me then where I am now, I would have laughed in His face. Two businesses? Five years ago I don't think I could have spelled the word business. Missional? What does that mean? Multi-Site Church? Like a franchise? Why would a church want to do that?
As a young, driven, impetuous, workoholic for God, I wanted to attack the world for the Kingdom. It never occured to me that I wasn't equipped for the impact God wanted from me. How was I to know that God would have me in the business world, that I would be doing unconventional ministry... that was never in MY PLANS!
And therein lies the problem. It's not in communicating with God. It's not in Him communicating with us. It's in the "I wish". My will got in the way. God, why can't you see things my way. God, I'm tired of waiting. God I really want to be over here doing this. God, this is a great opportunity for me here. Put me in coach, I'm ready to play! Funny, I can't think of anyone in the Bible that God changed His mind for. Why should He do it for me?
So to you, person searching "God i wish i could type to you on the internet and you could respond to where you want me to go" hang in there. Know that it's not an easy road. But it's one worth taking. God's not done equipping you, but when it's time to run, be ready to RUN! You'll know when it's time. You'll see God right beside you. Kill your will, your desires. Take your world apart, allow God to break and remold you. And in God's time, you'll begin to see.
God, thank you for not listening to me years ago. Thank you for the road you've brought me on. Thank you for using me here and now, and help me to continue on this path staying strong. I only hope I'm worthy of the cost You paid for me.